Cast: Charles Schillaci, Allan Kayser, Louisa Moritz
Okay; first, don't look at the title of the movie being
going to play, "Guess The Movie". You haven't looked at the title?
let's play the game now. Here's a scene from the movie: A group of
teenagers, lured by the promise of sex, go to a woman with a thick
She dances around them, and they are made to decide which one of them
have sex with her then. The fat teenager goes into the bedroom with the
woman and his friends hunch outside the door's keyhole, laughing at
their fat friend getting it on. The woman's significant other enters,
the fat teenager decides then to step out, resulting in the fat
clad in his vest and underwear being chased by the significant other.
probably thinking this movie is The Last American Virgin,
right? Well, you're wrong, even if this movie also has Louisa Moritz,
Joe Rubbo playing another fat bumbler.
Here are some more hints about the movie: It was
produced by Menahem
Golan and Yoram Globus' Cannon film company in 1985. The story concerns
four horny teenagers (a nerd, a fat guy, a slick ladies' man, and a
guy) who go down south to work at a resort hotel, which is run by a
thoroughly unlikable guy who turns out to be gay at the end of the
The four teenagers then get into various sexual vignettes, all
at the same time and sloppily edited together. And the movie title has
the word "Hot" in it. So now your guess is Hot
Resort, then? You're wrong again. The movie is Hot
a Cannon movie that rips off other Cannon movies, not just The
Last American Virgin. A scene where a pursued teen dresses in
performs on stage, and his pursuer falling in love with this new "girl"
was earlier done in Private Popsicle.
The end credits list the use of music from Golan & Globus' Breakin'
And speaking of music, one part of the movie uses (without credit)
from the Luis Bacalov-scored Quien Sabe? (a.k.a. A
Bullet For The General).
So the movie is 99 44/100% rip-off. But a rip-off can be
and have some life to it after the transfusion. But this movie is
100% abysmal - it makes Hot Resort look like an actual
Chili is wretchedly photographed, poorly acted, badly
dimly lit, and written by hacks. There is absolutely no reason to watch
this movie, even if you were associated with the production in one
or the other. And if you were, you should be ashamed of yourself. On
thought, maybe those people should watch this movie - twice.
would be (barely) adequate punishment for their contributions in
A plot synopsis is impossible for this movie; all it is
is a collection
of vignettes, mostly centered around the four "protagonists" getting
various hijinks with the hotel staff or the guests. That's it. Serious.
Resort, bad as it was, at least had a story in
second half about training and then competing against a group of snots
in a boat race. Here, we are expected to find entertainment value in
like the woman in an elderly honeymooning couple asking about the gift
shop, "Do they have a diaphragm? I left mine at home." Or the nerd
most of the first third of the movie walking around with a pissed-off
and her suitcases trying to find her room. Director Sachs thought that
by speeding up the film and the sound during parts of this segment, it
would be even funnier. Or dubbing cartoon BOINGS! and THUDS! here and
in the movie. Is Sachs a frustrated live-action director who secretly
to be in animation?
As for the direction...what direction? In many scenes,
seems to have been photographed with a thick layer of Vaseline on the
You never get a good feel of the hotel or the surrounding area; though
the location is supposedly in Mexico, pretty much all of it could have
been shot in California. Editing is so bad, Sachs tries to makes sense
of everything with the narration of one of the characters as he writes
home, though it comes across as an editing rescue maneuver because
nothing happens onscreen before or afterwards. It's more evident when
of the four teenagers disappears offscreen for some time, and a really
excuse for the disappearance is narrated. And speaking of the four
not one of them can act or project any likeability. The nerd whimpers
wanna f**k! I just wanna f**k!" so many times, I wanted to strangle
I was actually happy to see them encounter terrible luck like having to
room with a donkey (har har) or someone chasing after them with a gun,
though activities like the latter gave the sour soundtrack an excuse to
play absolutely rotten songs (except for Bacalov's song). However, if
want to hear David Powell's "Body Shop" again, by all means rent this
you'll even get to hear it more than once.
I don't want to write anything else about Hot
you want to know more about it, read my review of Hot
Resort, but take away any mention of plot or
for availability on Amazon (VHS)
Check Amazon for movie's "inspiration", The Last American Virgin (DVD)
See also: Hot Resort, Private Popsicle, Pandemonium