Cast: Fox Harris, Madeleine Reynal, Laura Albert
Note: As you may recall from my last review (Didn't
You Hear), I stated at the end of that review that I needed a
after doing so much typing and note-taking. Coincidentally, at the same
time I was finishing writing that review, my friend Michael Sullivan
to write a guest review for The Unknown Movies. Keeping in mind my
realizing that I'd been writing reviews for this page non-stop since
end of May 1998, and being in shock because NOT ONE PERSON RESPONDED TO
ALL THE WORK I DID ON THAT REVIEW OF DIDN'T YOU HEAR! Was all
work for nothing?!?!?!? Please, someone tell me they liked
I figured I'd give myself a half-holiday and just write one of the two
movies appearing this week. Next week, things will return to normal.
Now, on with the review!
By Michael Sullivan
Stephen Sayadian will probably go down in history as one
of the few
directors who almost legitimized porn. His film Cafe Flesh
was a bizarre, arty film that was also a huge crossover hit that showed
audiences that porn wasn't just for the raincoat crowd anymore. But
tossed any chance of legitimizing porn down the toilet by making
(albeit weird) bishop-wacking fare.
By 1989, he wrote and directed this unbelievably weird
Caligari remake. But this film is as much a remake of that
classic as The Black Gestapo is a remake of Othello.
The only similarity between the two films is that the stars of both
have characters named Caligari in them. The "plot" is loosely based
Dr. Caligari (Madeleine Reynal), who is using two of her recent
as guinea pigs in a mind-switching experiment. Patient #1 is Mrs. Van
(Laura Albert), a psychotic nymphomaniac who says lines like, "My
are like filthy prayers. I want to scream in your face". Patient #2 is
Gus Pratt (John Durbin), a freakish cannibal who likes to get
because he puts needles in his "pokey globes". Fox Harris is all for
experiments until the end, when he turns into a grotesque Marilyn
impersonator with an unnatural obsession over Aunt Bea from the Andy
If all the above sounds strange, it gets even weirder.
in an overly theatrical manner. The sets are pure German expressionism,
but with an ugly neon-80's twist. Characters sometimes glide in and out
of a room while wearing either pink or yellow clothes. There's a
cake, a man in a kewpie doll mask wielding a straight razor, sunflowers
suddenly growing for no reason, people eating sheeps' legs, a gigantic
tongue, a penile-like arm, and much much more.
Much like 99 and 44/100% Dead,
if you hate incoherent
pretentious movies, then don't pick up this film, because it will be an
utter nightmare for you. But if you're like me, and love to watch films
that are like bad acid trips, I highly recommend you search this film
Until next time, I know you're watching me!
for availability on Amazon (VHS)
See also: Fantasy Mission Force,
The Resurrected, Bridge Of Dragons