Amanda and the Alien
Cast: Nicole Eggert, Michael Dorn, Stacey Keach
Amanda and the Alien is one of the worst
pieces of s**t
I've ever seen in my life. There's pretty much nothing of interest
Even bad movies usually have something that makes them memorable for
time in your head. Not this movie. This movie is so empty, it'll
completely from your head after several days. This doesn't happen very
often - the last time a movie did that for me was when I saw The
Guyver. There is no sense of fun in the movie, or any sense
the filmmakers were at least trying to be entertaining. In fact, it's
in a way that would make you swear that the filmmakers hate humanity -
the movie was made with no love or any affection to the characters.
it is filled with contempt for everyone in the movie and for anyone
it. Who was this movie intended for?
Amanda (Eggert) is a young woman who works at a "trendy"
though you'd never guess it by the horrible outfits that she wears. Her
life is very dull and lonesome; usually in a movie like this it's
the character is shy, but here it's because she's simply a shrew, doing
things like yelling at her friends and having an "attitude". She has a
sometimes-boyfriend named Charlie, but he's always cheating on her,
the present time when he calls to claim that his "cousin" is in town
he has to show her around town. This leads to several awful cracks
incest from Amanda, and not all at once. What's worse is that it's
suggested that the woman Charlie is with (and beds) is indeed his
which will lead to groans of disgust from viewers of most of those
Meanwhile, at a U.S. Government Safehouse, two aliens
are in captivity
and government agents Keach and Dorn ("Worf" from Star Trek: The
Generation) plan to move them out. One of the aliens sneaks
of the cell and absorbs itself in Flores, the safehouse's cook, taking
over control of her body. "Flores" gets into her car and drives off.
interesting to note that there only seems to be three guards in the
complex. It's also interesting when the breakout is found out, Flores
then referred to from now on as "Connie". It's even more
when Dorn describes the car the alien took off in, his description has
been obviously dubbed over from something different. What's most
is that the second alien didn't try to escape, and except for one or
future references is never talked about again. Later, when Amanda is in
a beatnik coffee shop straight from the 1950s (including people wearing
berets and playing cellos), she sees "Connie" and within seconds
this is the alien that the government was talking about in the
So I guess the government wasn't lying about Roswell after all! Amanda
then offers to help the alien fit more into society and to help its
despite its habit of having to absorb itself in a new body ever day or
This was based on a story by Robert Silverberg, but it
sure plays like
a rip-off of the movie Starman (there's even a scene at
roadside diner with apple pie.) I haven't read the story, but I'm sure
Silverberg didn't include much, if any, gratuitous sex scenes and
in his original version (*). Though the alien can
absorb itself to anyone, it decides to get into long and loud sex with
Charlie (intercut with a cappuccino machine hissing and spouting
And I don't think Silverberg wrote any scene with the alien licking
off of someone's body, or the absolutely horrible jokes in this movie.
A character named "Roencrantz" has his name confused by someone who
him "Guildenstern". Or was it the other way around? In one scene,
and the alien (in Charlie's body) register in a motel under "Mr.
and Mrs. James T. Kirk". In fact, there are a lot of references to Star
Trek, one such reference in one scene with Dorn, though it's played
no irony or wit. Actually, Dorn comes off best in this movie, firmly
his teeth and playing it completely straight. It's clear he knows how
stupid this movie is, so you have to give him credit for going through
activities like being stuck in a big truck full of "Poo Pockets
However, his character is too shallow for us to feel anything for him.
Keach not only looks old and tired, but he looks embarrassed to the
of being mortified when forced to do things like walking into a diner
spaghetti western music plays. Keach as Eastwood? I don't think so.
are no characters in this movie we have sympathy for. There
characters we hate, but not the way the filmmakers intended.
What were they thinking of when they made this movie?
All I know is
that they thought they needed four "second second assistant"
for this movie. Whatever else they were thinking of, it certainly
apply to making a coherent and detailed movie. We do find out what
to the other alien, but we don't find out why it happened. The alien
itself (clothes and all) into other people, but the last time it does
we see a pile of the alien's clothing afterwards. The worst scene comes
at the climax, where a seemingly impossible situation is solved by
so out of the blue, that you have absolute hatred for the writers for
bothering to come up with a proper answer for this occurrence. As I
before, there are no signs that the filmmakers cared anything about
audiences would think or feel about their movie. Amanda and the
one of the worst movies ever made. The sooner it evaporates and leaves
no memory in my head, the better.
* In the several weeks between
writing this review
and its publication, I happened to come across the original short story
by accident. The movie actually sticks reasonably close to the events
the story, even using a lot of the same dialogue. There is one sex
in the short story, though it's reasonably tasteful. Other differences
in the written work include the alien having a penchant for oregano,
not paprika, and not licking it off someone's body. It's interesting to
note that around the half-hour mark in the movie, Silverberg seems to
bored as his Amanda character in the story, and ends the story not long
after that point. Though maybe he had a horrible vision of the movie
of his story, and didn't want to get blamed for the horrible adventures
to come for the mismatched duo.
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See also: Flush, Funland, Leader Of The